Stop, Drop and Chug a Glass of Wine...

Fire safety tips from a new wife from experience:

1. When lighting a candle in a room, do not leave it lit when you leave that room. Especially when it is directly underneath a wood cabinet.

2. When you smell smoke, don't ignore it and blame the burning scent on the pothead neighbor. Think about what could be on fire...and do not get distracted by Kendra talking to Hank about getting traded to yet another NFL team. Actually seek out the smell...

3. When you see smoke billowing out from the medicine cabinet, don't just stand there frozen in the hallway with your mouth open saying "OMG, OMG, OMG." Move quickly towards the candle and the flame you see burning a whole into the bottom shelf of the cabinet and BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.

4. Once candle is blown out, feel the cabinet first to see if it is hot. This could mean there are flames inside and you don't want to feed it oxygen. Once you have that thought and realize "I don't give a sh*t how it feels, I am opening the damn thing to see what kind of damage I have done to the apartment," open it but step back. Black smoke in the eye? Not such a good feeling.

5. After gray mass of smoke exits the cabinet, throw an entire bucket of water at the wall/mirror/shelves and soak the entire bathroom excessively for no reason to be sure that the flames are out.

6. Open all windows and the door to the apartment so that New York City's Finest don't get called and find new wife in cozy, pink striped Old Navy Socks and an over sized high school basketball t-shirt.

7. Call husband. Cry to husband. Tell him what happened and that you almost burned down the apartment. Listen to him say "don't worry, I am not mad" instead of asking if you are okay. Get pissed off. Stop crying. Hang up.

8. Throw away all bottles of medicine that have melted in the small blaze, making sure not to tell husband how much you actually threw out since he is quite the saver and would have totaled the price tags on each to see how much this idiot mistake cost us.

9. Walk to the fridge. Open a bottle of prosecco. Pour it. Chug it. Drink it while standing in front of the blackened and charred cabinet and shelf. Think about trying to clean it, but leave it for husband to deal with.

10. Light another vanilla scented candle in the bathroom to cover up the smell of fire.

Good thinking.