I have a very hard time listening to criticism. Besides the fact that I am near perfect and thus find most critiques (especially those aesthetically-oriented) a waste of time and makeup, I have always had a knack for seeing myself for what I am (a solid 9.8, 10 if I had better feet), and not in need for other people's "candid" opinions. But this morning was the first time since 3rd grade gym class when my teacher advised me to wear pants that do not promote camel toe even if I was 140lbs and 5 foot nothing, that I understood someone's honesty and guidance as really just trying to help.
My wonderful and tall boyfriend Bob frequently asks me what makes my face so tan. He is confused by my before and after bathroom looks in the morning, going from natural olivey skin tone, to florescent orange with a slight shimmer, enter Fried Weiss. I have explained to him, and to many of you who ask, that bronzer is a way of life not just an accessory and without my odd-reddish glow, I wouldn't stand out in a crowd of unsuspecting Caucasians, or have this blog. Bob then asked me to show him how much bronzer I wear and how I do my make-up. I didn't look up at his face until I opened the third bronzer in my 5-bronzer routine, and when I did, brush in hand, paint strokes almost even and ready for the next coat, he looked stunned, slight disgusted, and well, disturbed.
I had gotten so used to the bronzing ritual, I had forgotten how much of a maniac I was making myself look like everyday. I always wondered why none of the other sales reps at my job had printed proposals with orange fingerprints, or why my keyboard was a slightly pink/tan hue, or why my boss always asked me if I went away for the weekend and seemed skeptical when I said no. It was in that moment, in that simple moment of MAC tools and tall Bob's horror, that I saw myself for what I was - Burnt Weiss...
Today, I sit before you (pretend we are actually talking), a new shade of Weiss. With only one, and I repeat, ONE coat of bronzer and slight blush, I can actually feel the breeze touch my face today, I can touch white without worry, and my face matches my neck, chest, well, my whole entire body. I have gotten endless compliments (I think), from "you look so much better without all that crap" and "wow you really should spend less time in the morning getting ready - trying doesn't work for you." And so my friends, today and for the next few days (all I can promise for now), I will go where no overly tan, Jersey-looking, 5-bronzed women has gone: Weiss Au Naturale.
In the meantime, here are some ideas for my new blog name, just in case the anti-bronze thing sticks:
Wok Weiss
Pan-Fried Weiss
Baked Weiss
Seared Weiss
Lightly Toasted Weiss
Under the Broiler Weiss
Crock Pot Weiss
Weiss Tempura
General Tso's Weiss
Nuked Weiss
Opinions welcome...:)
3 comments:
"mu goo gai tan"...OOOR, the cheekier "mu goo gal tan"....
regardless, love you, your blog, AND the bronzer...but I've always said that you're one of the few people that looks prettier without a stitch of make-up on (me, I need to be properly spackled). xo
yes! this reminds me of the time we went to church circa 2002 (also known at the last time I went to church, period) when you not only wore little makeup, but clothing that you considered "sensible" and almost definitely came from my closet. you are lovely au naturale, your co-workers are correct! The blog name will be a problem though - but I think SKW is on to something...
WEISS! I don't know how I managed to miss this months ago when you posted it, but I just read it and died laughing. It's SO TRUE. How many times have I told you that you look prettiest when you walk out of the shower? You are the only person I know who looks fully air brushed and ready for the magazine cover right out of the shower, without a lick of make-up. THANK YOU Tall Bob for getting through to this pretty girl :)
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