Fort Stever

While Hurricane Irene ripped through the city, the Stevers went into deep hibernation.  See below for details on the weekend spent at "Fort Stever."

The Base Camp: Fort Stever
We moved our mattress onto the floor and away from the windows.  But just to be sure that if our windows shattered, the glass wouldn't hit us, we built a fort on the bed frame made of Crate and Barrel couch cushions, which I hear really "stand up" to 85 mph winds strong enough to blow out windows:)  At least we felt safer behind the mass of feather-filled, "indestructible" pillows.

Drink, Eat, Repeat
As true New Yorkers, we did what every indigenous NYC person does during times of crisis:  Drink a lot of booze and eat a lot of food.  Drink, as shown below, is called the "Hurricane Hero," named after my brave husband who claimed he was not scared of Irene and would protect me from her wrath  (Fort Stever was his idea so as you can see that I was indeed safe under his watch).  Cocktail is mostly vodka, a little lemonade and fresh lime juice shaken and served chilled.  Guacamole was made fresh, and I managed to get a few bites in before Bob polished it off and licked the bowl clean which he explained as a proactive measure, just in case the power went out and dish washer wasn't working.  He is so thoughtful and selfless.

Holding It Together
As we sat wondering what Hurricane Irene was capable of, we decided it would make us both feel better, and give us something to do, to adhere duck tape to the windows in a strange formation.  Pretty sure this does nothing, but we felt safer and Ziggy inspected our work and confirmed feigned feeling of safety.

Boredom Sets In
After hours of moving from the couch to the refrigerator and back to the couch, and watching all of our favorite TV shows, boredom began to set in.  So much so that the highlight of Bob's day was dropping a tangerine on his shirt which created what he saw as a "smiley face."  His enthusiasm upon seeing the "face" in the stain was so intense (imagine a 6'4" man jumping up and down holding shirt up to his face while yelling for me) that I realized, wow, we are really bored.

Who Needs Monopoly?
As a married couple fearful of a power outage, we purchased the iconic, household staple game of Monopoly.  While I agree Guess Who and Shoots and Ladders are also both must-haves in the board game department, Monopoly is a crowd please and loved by all ages.  I explained to Bob that no home is a true home without Monopoly and that it was well worth the $20 splurge at Rite Aid.  When we realized the power didn't and wasn't going to go out, the first thing Bob did upon being able to leave the apartment was get his $20 back from Rite Aid, leaving us once again as the family that does not and never will have board games unless they are free or Bob can draw them (think Hangman and Tick Tack Toe).

Bob Dreams Too

Oh just a normal Thursday Facebook chat with my husband...

 

Bob:

 

 

 

 

Report · 1:05pm

had a weird dream about kim kardashian

i was at her wedding

crashed it

and was with 2 other guys

cant remember who

and we were doing the dance you sent me from night at roxberry

and SNL

with kim in middle

wtf

so weird

and then i gave a speech

about how much she stinks

 

Lauren:

Report · 1:07pm

like smells?

or sucks as a person?

 

Bob:

Report · 1:07pm

sucks as person

i was angry in the dream

didnt like her 1 bit

Hurricane Prep 101 with the Stevers

Bob's reaction to Hurricane Irene:

"Don't worry, we will be okay.  I have an emergency fanny pack.  It even has a PowerBar in it from 2008. "

See below to view said fanny pack.  He will eat the PowerBar (if he hasn't already) just because it is free and because expiration dates mean nothing to him (he thinks everything ages to be better like wine).  He will also owe his office an emergency fanny pack since this belongs to his firm, but he will take it home and cherish it forever.   Maybe even carry his crackers around in it after the storm.

Lauren's reaction to Hurricane Irene:  "Do we have enough wine in the apartment to get us through?"

Subject : Meow

Please see below for the email and picture I sent to Bob this morning regarding Ziggy's veterinarian appointment and Hurricane Irene.  It bounced back to me since his company has a strict email firewall. Good thing his entire IT Team got the email and forwarded it to him, just to be sure he got it:)


Subject:     Meow
From:     lauren.stever@timeoutny.com
Date:     August 25, 2011 12:16:38 PM EDT
To:     Robert.Stever@FRMHedge.com


Hi Daddy,

Mommy moved my doctor's appointment to Thursday, 9/8 at 6pm.

Please make sure I have LOTS of food for the storm.  And my own kitty flashlight.  And treats.

Thank you.

Love,
Ziggy

Get Rid of Ann Curry...in a Hurry!

When Meredith Vieira left the Today Show in June, the execs at NBC made a decision that I cannot and will not forgive.  They signed on Ann Curry to host the morning show alongside ageless-dreamboat (and news's version of George Clooney) Matt Lauer.

I used to be an Ann Curry fan.  Back when she was doing the world news on the show, she got a few minutes every half hour to discuss a few serious issues which called for a bland and stark delivery, which was her forte.   When they tapped Curry to fill Meredith's shoes (which were big to fill given her natural warmth and charisma), and let the lackluster anchor get her hands on softer news, the real Ann Curry surfaced.

Her awkward cackle mixed with awkward not-funny puns directed at Lauer with a bump of the elbow, made the Today Show increasingly awkward to watch.  Never really sure of what she is saying, she speaks with no conviction, and when she tries to be intense, especially in an interview setting, she gets quieter and quieter until she is literally whispering to her guests who are leaning forward to even hear what she is asking.  This leads to strange close-talking that is unbearably uncomfortable for those watching and I am sure even more so for those involved.

Ann's blank stare, coupled by her aggressively directed, over-personal questions force me to look away from the TV in horror and embarrassment.  Ann is so difficult to watch that I even get excited to see Willard Scott do his over 100-year old birthday announcements photo-shopped on to a Smuckers jar.  At least his off-beat personality is endearing and works for him since he is talking about nursing home activities that keep the seniors feeling young.  At least he can talk about anything, even beanbag bowling and early-bird bingo, with a sense of conviction and authentic energy.

Curry is trying desperately to ignite chemistry between herself and Lauer, wishing to have the same banter and true friendship that Meredith had with Matt.  What comes across instead of a functional and enjoyable dynamic, is a lot of uncouth flirtation on Curry's end that makes even Matt pull away while mouthing to producers at commercial breaks to shoot Curry with a tranquilizer dart.  I know I would.

Despite ratings being strong, even up since Meredith's exit, I believe this has little to do with Ann and more to do with it being the Today Show, which is a morning staple, and has been for years, in American homes.  With Curry "out on assignment" all of this week, her spot is being filled temporarily by co-beauties Natalie Morales and Savannah Guthrie.  Both of them are strong, intelligent, easy to watch, genuinely witty women who should have been offered Vieira's position long before Ann was ever given a shot.

I do believe NBC sent Ann into the field this week (specifically a war zone, which to me doesn't scream "promotion"), to see if ratings increased in her absence.   My guess is that the whispers around the water coolers across the nation are starting to be heard and felt by producers of the show who are fearful of losing ratings and thus huge chunks of ad revenue.  The Today Show needs to maintain their upper hand to ABC's "Good Morning America," and as of now they still have that lead.  But it has been two months since Meredith left, and I think viewers are starting to catch on.

Ann Curry is bumbling and amateurish, and becoming harder and harder to watch.  Although we can't bring Meredith back, anyone, and I mean anyone (even Jenna Bush Hager), is better suited to host The Today Show than Curry.  We miss you Meredith.

Bachelor Pad Follow-up

Sorry Frat Bob.  Your dreams have been crushed.  (See earlier post, "Bachelor Pad").

Bachelor Pad

I left Bob at home in our apartment for one night last week while I went home to Westchester to visit my family.  And in just one night, my seemingly balanced husband, who does not really fit a stereotype other than "tall", became an extremist.

I never got to see my beloved Bob in college since we met a few years after the caps and gowns and kegs and eggs era.  I missed out on getting to know him in his frat boy days of Sig Ep theme parties, bromances, and "brutal" beer guzzling hazing, which he still talks about as if it were yesterday.

But I believe I got a sneak peak of what Frat Bob was like when I left him alone in our apartment for that one night.  And in just that one night on his own, Bob left a trail of clues upon my return that would tell the tale of Frat Bob's relapse to a time and place when "wife beaters" were acceptable to wear on any occasion, and cereal with milk was considered dinner.

Clue #1
Upon opening the refrigerator, alongside my Lactaid milk and dairy-free cheese, sat a 24 pack of Miller beer (of which 23 were left), staring back at me.  "What are you doing here?"  I asked the beer.  They just looked back at me blankly and with as much confusion as to why they were in my apartment as I had.  I like beer, but we don't drink it at home unless it were for one of 3 specific reasons.  But, we didn't have a party, Bob didn't have a guy friend over and it wasn't football season.  I was at a loss.  When Frat Bob was questioned regarding said beer by his pondering wife, he answered, "I felt like having a beer," to which I knew meant, "it was on sale," but played along.  Clearly, a man wants to feel like a man especially when his woman is away, but only Frat Bob would follow-through on this macho move with a Miller Lite coupon and a dream.

Clue #2
As I approached my living room, I realized that the lower half of our flat screen TV was being blocked by a massive speaker system that was not there the day that I had left.  Now, a day later, we had a sound system that was meant more for a movie theater than a small sitting area in a small apartment.  It wasn't just large, it was black and looked more like a space heater than a speaker.  It was at least 4-feet long and there was no other place to put this massive eyesore other than right in front of the TV.  As I scrunched my nose up in horror and disgust, Frat Bob jumped in front of it and turned it on.  As it blared so loudly I could feel the bass vibrate the floor, Frat Bob yelled, but all I heard/saw were the words being mouthed under the offensive noise, "isn't it great!  The sound is so much better now!"  Somehow in just 24-hours, my Buddha statue filled, modern and clean living room had become the ultimate bachelor pad, fully equipped with a shiny over-sized black sound system that we didn't need, won't keep and Frat Bob will learn to live without.

Clue #3
He watched Entourage on-demand.  Think it was his first time.

Clue #4
He ate everything out of the freezer that wasn't stuck with ice to the bottom and that wasn't a medical ice pack.

Clue #5
He built two shoe racks, changed out our shower head, tightened every loose screw on anything he could find in our place that had screws, etc. just to use his tool box which he carried around unnecessarily in the apartment by a handle.  Frat Bob is also Bob the Builder. 

While I understand that these things are not that odd for a 31-year old married man whose wife is out of town, this is odd behavior for my husband, who spends most of his time when I am home organizing his 20% off Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons, and reading consumer reviews for the best vacuum cleaner.

As I sat on my couch last night with him, drinking Miller Lite while watching "Bachelor Pad" with our new super-sized sound system, my shock and surprise about Frat Bob gently turned to pride as it was quite endearing that he played his gender role so fervently in my absence.  Kinda cute actually.

And as I looked at him to invite Frat Bob to come around more often, I realized he was tearing up as Aimes chased Jackie down in the limo so that she wouldn't leave, thus choosing true love over the prize money.  And just like that, Frat Bob had left the bachelor pad. 

Bob at "Joe's": Survivial of the Fittest?

Last night, Bob and I made a trip to Trader Joe's, and in "Traitor Bob" fashion, he left me in the dust for organic blueberry muffin mix and a free sample of Asian slaw.

In case all of you Leave It To Stever followers (all 11 of you!), do not believe just how intense my husband gets at this discounted retail grocery store (based on the aforementioned experience in my earlier post "Trader Joe's, Traitor Bob"), please find evidence below.  My Blackberry Bold camera truly captures the creature in his natural habitat.

Exhibit A.  Bob double fisting free samples, boxing out frail blond girl standing behind him so that she cannot share in his prey.

Exhibit B.  Bob taking out his "competitors" to get into the line by using his cart to herd them out of the way, while weeding out the weak and the elderly.